Tag Archives: dating

Episode 20: We Are The Unique

Soooooo… I’m going to shock you all I’m sure, when I say that at the time of my writing this, I am signed up with an online dating website (that’s right, ladies – this hunk o’ burnin’ love is still available for a limited time). It’s a concept I can appreciate, but not one I enjoy. I signed up because, well, let’s face it, I don’t meet all that many people, and the ones I do meet I tend to work with. I’ve been down that road before, and if the exact right set of circumstances were to present themselves, I might consider it again, but based on the way things went the first time, I’d rather not repeat the experience. So for now, it’s mostly off the table. Which meant I needed a new way to meet people. Online dating seemed the logical choice (of course when did logic ever serve a useful purpose, but even so…) and so there I went, making up a profile. But I had reservations. I think I make a much better impression in-person than I do through a profile online, so I’m not terribly keen on the rigamarole (finally an opportunity to use that word!) involved with online dating…

Annnd, where am I going with this, you might ask. Good question, I almost forgot where I wanted to go with this myself. The bottom line is this: I’ve looked at a shockingly high number of profiles, and though there are always differences in wording and some particulars, a surprising percentage all say the same thing… They make claims of being unique, but then proceed to list largely the same criteria for their men (confident, funny, honest, etc), as well as certain things like “I like to go out with friends, but also kick back at home and relax, cuddling and watching/reading a movie/book sometimes”. They’re not bad qualities, and the things they want from a man are perfectly understandable and acceptable, but when everyone’s looking for those, then that hardly makes you unique. I mean, almost all of these profiles even explain that they are a tomboy at heart, but know how to (or like to) get dressed up for a night out on the town. So basically what I’m seeing here is that we’ve been raising generations of girls (and probably men too), who think they’re so different from all these other girls because they have exactly the same mindset as every other girl.

And let me be clear, I know I’m not all that unique. I mean, obviously there are certain traits or life events that set me apart from most people, but I also know that I will not stand out from the crowd. In fact, I’m more likely to blend into the background because I’m not all that outspoken. Sure, I can be roused or riled up, but I’m normally so relaxed about everything that it takes a lot to get me there. I lack any significant passion for most everything, and so I fade into the background. Which I’m sure is part of my problem when it comes to being single. I’m confident enough in who I am, but I’m not delusional either. I know I’m not the be-all and end-all of the universe. Although sometimes I kind of wish I was. But that’s another story for another time.

To get somewhat back on track though… I find also that though they all make a big show of not being too picky about who someone is as long as they have “chemistry”, a lot of them will not respond at all, or will respond enough to start up a conversation, but then will just suddenly stop answering (I can only assume because someone “better” came along). The second one bothers me most. The first one, well maybe they don’t see what they like. I can understand that, not everyone can appreciate my own brand of oddity. But for you to obviously be interested enough to start that conversation, and sometimes keep it up for days, but then just drop it completely for someone you only assume will be better? I just don’t agree with that. At the very least, keep both going until you can actually decide which you like better. And then if you’re going to break off contact, have the decency to say so. Give a guy some respect, you know? I realize that when it comes to online dating men are a dime a dozen, and we’re all fighting for the same few women who aren’t completely batty (you know, like the cat lady from The Simpsons). Women naturally will have their pick of the litter, but that doesn’t mean you should snub someone just because you change your mind partway through.

Think about it like this… If you were dating someone, and along walked a far more handsome man (or woman) than the one you were with just walked by and winked at you, would you instantly just ditch the one you’re with to be with that new one instead? Some of you probably just said yes, didn’t you? Well to that all I can say is think about what you just did to the poor guy (or girl) you ran out on. What if you were happy with that person beforehand? And now that you’ve insulted them, they won’t take you back. What if that new guy (or girl) doesn’t work out and you just screwed up something great? And before you go screaming about how a girl should never settle for less than she deserves… I’m not suggesting you should settle. Find someone you’re happy with, by all means. But if you have found that person, don’t be so ready to assume you can do better.

I’ve made this much longer than I’d originally planned, and veered off-topic though, so let me sum up by saying this: remember that no one is truly unique, and we all still fit into neat little categories. Granted what works for one person might not work for the next, but you’ll never know until you try, and so you should never turn your nose up at a promising potential. But — and I cannot stress this enough — no matter what happens, be respectful towards others. We’re all in this together and looking for love in our own strange ways.

I hope things go much better for you than they have so far for me, and thanks for reading. I feel like this one was a bit harsh.



Filed under Ramblings