Tag Archives: double standards

Episode 38: Skewed Justice

Okay. So before anything else, I have to apologise. I fully meant to post something on the 6th, but things got a little out of hand because this was my birthday weekend, and so that’s why it’s now Tuesday when I’m posting this. Oh, and for those of you who are curious, it was quite the epic weekend to ring in a frightful 29 years.

So my first goal was going to be to mention D-Day. I’m sure you all saw plenty of tributes from TV or your Facebook news feed or whatever else. I’ll keep this one short and sweet. The men and women who were involved in World War 2 were (and are) ten times the man or woman you and I could ever hope to be. I’m not saying you’re a terrible person, just that they have seen more and done more. That some of the tales of heroism could never hope to be repeated without the same kind of circumstances.

Of course I had my own little moment of heroism just this past Sunday when a family of ducks needed to be relocated before they were run over by any of the hundreds of cars driving by. The poor mother had a broken leg though, and their future is still uncertain, but we did what we could and successfully moved the mum and her eight (very newly hatched) ducklings to a nearby small man-made lake (more of a pond, really). There was quite the sense of pride and accomplishment after the frantic scurry to prevent them from getting run over by cars. But that’s moving away from the real topic I wanted to discuss today, and I’ve done nothing but gloat over such a simple rescue, which kind of ain’t right.

So what am I talking about today, then? Double standards and hypocrisy. Primarily between men and women, but also just in general. For instance, I’ll bet you could remember at least one manager at work who’s yelled at you for doing something (let’s say being on Facebook) even though you’ll walk by a little later doing the exact same thing (using our earlier example, let’s say you see him laughing at some random post on Facebook). It’s infuriating, especially in certain cases where there’s nothing you can legally do about it, but you know it’s downright evil. But you might ask where’s the double standards between genders? Like you even have to…

The biggest ones have always centred around relationships. And it all begins with the initial search. I’m sure there are a few girls out there that defy this convention, but it seems to still remain the man’s “duty” to put forth the effort of wooing the girl, in order to gain that first date. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind putting in the effort. It’s nice to be able to do something special. But at the same time, I think it would be nice if even just once out of every ten times, I was the one having something special happen to me. But there are stigmas and expectations still lingering about, and most girls either don’t want to, don’t think they’ll have to or else are too afraid to put that effort in. At least in my experience. Maybe there just haven’t really been any girls attracted to me? In which case I have a million other questions, but I prefer to think that’s an unlikely scenario, and so we’ll skip it for now. What do I blame this stigma on? Well, actually, fairy tales. We’re all read them as children, and they come from a time when that was exactly the sort of thing that happened. It was the social norm for the man to be the one who woos, and the woman to just sit around and wait for it to happen. But as the social conventions changed and women gained equal rights, our fairy tales (and plenty of other things) did not change with them. Cinderella still waits for the prince to bring the shoe to her, Snow White still waits for “true love’s kiss” to awaken from her cursed sleep. Thankfully, newer stories (which I suppose we can call fairy tales for the sake of argument) have begun to incorporate more self-assured women, and with that comes what I believe is a more accurate portrayal of men: bumbling, good-hearted guys who really haven’t got a clue what’s going on, but are desperately trying to do right and win the girl at the same time. But these sorts of tales have yet to really have an impact yet, for two reasons. Firstly, they haven’t been around long enough. A generation that would really be affected by it hasn’t matured enough to really make use of it. But secondly, because we’re still flooding our children with the old tales on the basis that they’re classics. And I can’t disagree with them. They’re really quite wonderful tales sometimes, and well worth telling. But perhaps if we had a modernized version. Like Disney’s “Tangled” as a representation of Rapunzel. It’s still somewhat the same tale, but it’s been given a lift here, a little more magic there, and it actually became quite an impressive tale. And even though there’s still a bit of the same old stigma, it’s much less noticable. The female lead plays an important role throughout the tale, rather than just basically being a prop.

But there’s so much more. Women are still not assumed to have the same physical capabilities as men in even in a workplace environment. And while I’ll admit that the biology does (sort of) support that assumption, I can tell you first-hand that there are girls who not only are stronger than some men, but also far more energetic and productive. We should be treating things on an individual basis, but as usual we’re just making a blanket statement that women are incapable of some of the more physical tasks. And as much as I hate to say it, some women are encouraging that belief. I personally have heard some girls say how they fully intend to take advantage of the fact their managers don’t expect them to be able to work as hard as the men, and they let themselves be lazy.

I could go on I’m sure, but I think you have an idea of what I’m saying, and even if you don’t, then just pay more attention to some of the scenarios where men are compared to women, and you’ll see that the women are almost always assumed to be weaker, less capable, or otherwise not responsible for specific tasks or duties. Why am I concerned? Well partly because I do believe women are amazing and fully capable of being every bit the equal of (and in some cases far superior to) a man. And also partly because it’s sometimes tiresome to always have to be the strong one, and I wouldn’t mind having the opportunity to relax and let things come to me from time to time.

Yes, that’s right, I want to be lazy too, damnit.

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Episode 20: We Are The Unique

Soooooo… I’m going to shock you all I’m sure, when I say that at the time of my writing this, I am signed up with an online dating website (that’s right, ladies – this hunk o’ burnin’ love is still available for a limited time). It’s a concept I can appreciate, but not one I enjoy. I signed up because, well, let’s face it, I don’t meet all that many people, and the ones I do meet I tend to work with. I’ve been down that road before, and if the exact right set of circumstances were to present themselves, I might consider it again, but based on the way things went the first time, I’d rather not repeat the experience. So for now, it’s mostly off the table. Which meant I needed a new way to meet people. Online dating seemed the logical choice (of course when did logic ever serve a useful purpose, but even so…) and so there I went, making up a profile. But I had reservations. I think I make a much better impression in-person than I do through a profile online, so I’m not terribly keen on the rigamarole (finally an opportunity to use that word!) involved with online dating…

Annnd, where am I going with this, you might ask. Good question, I almost forgot where I wanted to go with this myself. The bottom line is this: I’ve looked at a shockingly high number of profiles, and though there are always differences in wording and some particulars, a surprising percentage all say the same thing… They make claims of being unique, but then proceed to list largely the same criteria for their men (confident, funny, honest, etc), as well as certain things like “I like to go out with friends, but also kick back at home and relax, cuddling and watching/reading a movie/book sometimes”. They’re not bad qualities, and the things they want from a man are perfectly understandable and acceptable, but when everyone’s looking for those, then that hardly makes you unique. I mean, almost all of these profiles even explain that they are a tomboy at heart, but know how to (or like to) get dressed up for a night out on the town. So basically what I’m seeing here is that we’ve been raising generations of girls (and probably men too), who think they’re so different from all these other girls because they have exactly the same mindset as every other girl.

And let me be clear, I know I’m not all that unique. I mean, obviously there are certain traits or life events that set me apart from most people, but I also know that I will not stand out from the crowd. In fact, I’m more likely to blend into the background because I’m not all that outspoken. Sure, I can be roused or riled up, but I’m normally so relaxed about everything that it takes a lot to get me there. I lack any significant passion for most everything, and so I fade into the background. Which I’m sure is part of my problem when it comes to being single. I’m confident enough in who I am, but I’m not delusional either. I know I’m not the be-all and end-all of the universe. Although sometimes I kind of wish I was. But that’s another story for another time.

To get somewhat back on track though… I find also that though they all make a big show of not being too picky about who someone is as long as they have “chemistry”, a lot of them will not respond at all, or will respond enough to start up a conversation, but then will just suddenly stop answering (I can only assume because someone “better” came along). The second one bothers me most. The first one, well maybe they don’t see what they like. I can understand that, not everyone can appreciate my own brand of oddity. But for you to obviously be interested enough to start that conversation, and sometimes keep it up for days, but then just drop it completely for someone you only assume will be better? I just don’t agree with that. At the very least, keep both going until you can actually decide which you like better. And then if you’re going to break off contact, have the decency to say so. Give a guy some respect, you know? I realize that when it comes to online dating men are a dime a dozen, and we’re all fighting for the same few women who aren’t completely batty (you know, like the cat lady from The Simpsons). Women naturally will have their pick of the litter, but that doesn’t mean you should snub someone just because you change your mind partway through.

Think about it like this… If you were dating someone, and along walked a far more handsome man (or woman) than the one you were with just walked by and winked at you, would you instantly just ditch the one you’re with to be with that new one instead? Some of you probably just said yes, didn’t you? Well to that all I can say is think about what you just did to the poor guy (or girl) you ran out on. What if you were happy with that person beforehand? And now that you’ve insulted them, they won’t take you back. What if that new guy (or girl) doesn’t work out and you just screwed up something great? And before you go screaming about how a girl should never settle for less than she deserves… I’m not suggesting you should settle. Find someone you’re happy with, by all means. But if you have found that person, don’t be so ready to assume you can do better.

I’ve made this much longer than I’d originally planned, and veered off-topic though, so let me sum up by saying this: remember that no one is truly unique, and we all still fit into neat little categories. Granted what works for one person might not work for the next, but you’ll never know until you try, and so you should never turn your nose up at a promising potential. But — and I cannot stress this enough — no matter what happens, be respectful towards others. We’re all in this together and looking for love in our own strange ways.

I hope things go much better for you than they have so far for me, and thanks for reading. I feel like this one was a bit harsh.

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